April 16th, 9:42 pm

Tonight, we part ways. Whether it is you who is parting or it is me, it matters not. Tonight, we will part–inevitably and a little regrettably (at least for me).

So here are my last words to you:

We’ve had a good, solid run. A year, to be exact. That’s pretty great. That’s more than some people have in a lifetime. 

So I’d like to look back at our time together fondly. I’d like to be filled with a warm, nostalgic contentment when I think of these days, and I’d like to not be plagued with the regrets, the what-ifs, the unfulfilled promises that will soon no longer be your burden. 

Yes, I am a little bit scared. A lot bit scared, actually. Even though we both knew this day was coming (I had it marked in my calendar as a matter of fact), I still haven’t prepared myself–still am not ready–to say goodbye yet.

And I know that you’re “just” a number and that this number shouldn’t be all that important, but it is. It is so unbelievably significant, and here is why. 

When we part ways, I will be disorientated, momentarily, stumbling around having just lost a piece of myself. Then, even after the moment is gone and I am whole again (or as whole as I can be), I will be a new whole. Never again will I be able to return to who I once was–who I was with you. 

But you.

You will remain unchanged–a constant, as always–and it will be like nothing is different for you at all. So maybe it is you who is leaving, but now is not the time to start pointing fingers.

I do not fear aging. I fear change. I fear the faces around me distorting, becoming unrecognizable. I fear the sights, sounds, and scents of the world becoming unfamiliar, foreign. 

But such is life, I know. Life is not constant either like you are. It’s just the child in me speaking. After we separate, I promise I’ll leave her behind as well. Or maybe I’ll keep her for a little longer. The adult world isn’t all that fun. 

11:57 pm

So I guess this is it.

Time only hurts those who live in the past; this is me taking the first step towards leaving you behind for a new present.

We may never find closure, but that’s okay. True closure probably doesn’t exist anyway.

This is farewell. 

Goodbye, seventeen. It’s been fun.

April 17th, 12:00 am

Hello, eighteen. I look forward to getting to know you.